A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
