my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
