I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
