Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
