I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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