I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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