Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
