Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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