so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
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She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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