You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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