I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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