why didn't you poke me back
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
