after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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