GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
