Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
