i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
