Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
