Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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