the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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