HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
