Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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