this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
