i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
