so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
