I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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