i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
