is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
