I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
