Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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