apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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