So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
