I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
