super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
