AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
