I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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