You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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