Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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