Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
