Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
