The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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