Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
