Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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