I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
