I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No subtext here. People are naked.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
