I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
