i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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