i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!