Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
