I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager