You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids