I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
