youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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