I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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