omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You're like the curious george of whores
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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