So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
