Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
