Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
