so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
