i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
