4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
