remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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