No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
