He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
