Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
