forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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