theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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