I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
