Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
