the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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