It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
