Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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